Your Spray-On Burn is Never 'Professional Language' at WIERD....

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

So a few of you cold little souls may have noticed last week the WIERD is sounding a bit louder and dare we say 'cleaner', but this week we're inordinately pleased to say we finally have a fantastic sound system and will no longer have to crush you with the bass distortion and bloody ear inducing treble-torture, so bring your dark synth dancing shoes as the Very Rare ice rink of frozen nordic pleasure awaits you...just you kids gotta please stop swingin from the disco ball - damn thing has fallen and been bruised so many times looks like a reject from the Coldwave Leprosy ward...then again guess that's pretty much the way WIERD feels in the big scary hip-hop laden city...not Very Rare...

So a certain lovely young friend of the WIERD called to ask IT what did her potential future employer mean whe she said 'We require all applicants to be comfortable with the use of 'professional language' at all times...'?' Very Rare cold feelings began for thee WIERD as they always do at the base of the spine, 'Darling tell me in the application is there in fact quotes around the term 'prof. language', yes thats what WIERD thought...excellent indeed.'

Professional language IS indeed one of the devices of the IT par excellence, and IT is indeed used predominantly by the likes of business persons, cops, strippers, and educators to insure that a certain 'flow' takes place - the flow of money in business and adult entertainment(as well as VR bodily fluids in the latter), 'the law' for law enforcement, and information for teachers. The thing that occurs when language becomes 'professional' is one's 'personal' desires are bracketed and pushed under the 'skin'(which must obviously be the 'amateur language' world it would follow thus) and this skin is covered with a very rare veneer of speaking the language that in fact exactly satisfies the desire of the other person in the 'relationship(i.e. businessman's Prof. language tells you what 'you want to hear', stripper tells you you're attractive and she's yours etc.). It seems safe to say then that professional language is a sort of 'skin' repressing the IT, and this skin generally appears when the user of IT puts on IT's uniform - Copsuit, business suit etc., g-string bikini/nurses outfit for strippers etc.

So apart from the fact the WIERD has never been very effective in using this VR weapon of the IT, the WIERD generally becomes a bit agitated as the Coldwaves of winter rescind and the skin starts to become hot(appropriately also being the WIERD's struggle and pain in using prof. language), and in one of these sad, sweaty evening of abject TV viewing IT suddely became apparent. The WIERD's friend was still on the line, 'So why'd you lose your last job darling?'...'Oh I fucked up on the phone and got totally 'burned' in this huge deal, so we lost the account'...'Wow that's amazing so your 'inner amateur' seeped out I guess?'...'Yeah I told this bitch to go fuck herself and rot in Hell!'...'Yeah that'll do IT...amazing you know as I'm watching the saddest man in the world Jay Leno interviewing Lindsay Lohan and he complimented her on her tan and she just said it wasn't in fact a tan but a 'burn' - genius reason is she has a 'spray-on' tan which isn't 'REAL' but just 'paint' per se, so you can still get a burn if yr all drunk like her and go in the sun without 'skin protection', but the burn remains then after occurring remains as invisible - just like it did for you, IT is a total abstraction, you guys both 'got burned' and there is absolutely no 'Material' proof! Lindsay says IT hurts even though you can't see IT!(the WIERD obviously realizing this was because she used a bit too much tanner to resemble a bright orange Care-hot straight out of Buggs Bunny's mouth) and I bet you cried when you got fired, and now you're broke, both of those definitely 'hurt'...see same thing. :)))...'

'Seriously though darling a spray-on tan really is the ultimate allegorical equivalent for the use of professional language in the Very Rare Coldwave workplace - you put IT on to both prevent skin damage and to be attractive to the other(s) around you, professional language protects you from monetary loss, anarchy in the streets, and bein raped by goomba's in Jersy strip clubs...'Whatever Linsay Lohan, who gives a fuck, funny yr babblin about this shit as since I been laid off I went to the beach yesterday and got burned for real man, my skin feels like its gonna fall right off, ughh'...Well that's interesting because it would seem that both professional language and your lovely skin benefit from the cold, as the opposite of 'bein burned', both in business and on the beach, is being 'Cold' - when IT is Cold money, sex, the law, and the pleasures of Very Rare information flow like never before!'...'Gee lemme guess, yr gonna be all fukin witty and say some obvious dumb shit like you always do like '...and the WIERD is all those things, so come 'danse in the cold on Wed., blah blah...thats so not Very Rare man, you need some new baby babble, what a bore...'...'yeah yr right, you just totally 'burned' me, i suck, sorry, I'm gonna go home and listen to Trop Tard in darkness alone with my leprosy-discoball resebling dirty little teddy Bear named Charles.'...'Look dude, go to the beach, get burned as fuck, and I guarantee, once again you'll be 'Cold as ever'!'...'Wait how does that logick work darling???'...'Very Rare...' she said, and hung up...WIERD...

Pieter and Glenn spin the Coldwave Spray-On Tan of Very Rare Amateur Language!!!
Wednesday, May 30th, 10pm-4am
WIERD @ Home Sweet Home
(Happy Hour and Special Ramiro Jeancarlo Miami Cold-Burn Retrospective, Midnight-1am!!!)
131 Chrystie St. @ Delancey, NYC
J train to Bowery, F to Delancey