The Polish Cold War B-day Party at WIERD

Tuesday July 18th, 2006

Okay children of the cold, this week the Mysteries of the WIERD revealed the truly very rare fact that two eminently handsome and talented young POLISH devotees of the WIERD Coldwaves emerged from the Dark Synth womb within 1 hour of each other back at an unnamed date in the 19th century and tonite we're reinventing the WIERD Cold War as we celebrate Sebastian Mlynarski and Glenn Maryansky's Birthdays. And you're all in for the rarest hour of music ever as from Midnight - 1am Sebastian is gonna spin a solid hour of POLISH COLDWAVE, and I'm not just talkin about the obvious classics the sad normal WIERD spins like Siekiera and Ziyo!!! Expect the truly elusive iron cutain echoes of AYA rl, KULT, 1984, and Made in Poland, after that we're gonna fall on the floor and pass out in a pile of coldwave cabbage just like they do in McCarren Park, plus free drinks if you bring a bowl of red and white 'M&M's and you can say 'VERY RARE COLDWAVE' in Polish!!!

On a slightly more confusing and uncomfortably 'Western Block' note, the WIERD arose this morning in a daze as usual, we looked around the room - books, records, very rare diet sodas noone has ever heard of and the crucial fact that once again there was a body attached to this head looking out, and at the end of that body, was a tiny hangnail on the smallest toe scratching out a very rare melody on the 600 ct. Egyptian cottonwave sheets... or was it??? See often when the WIERD awakes the feet connected to the body IT lives in play little untempo popsongs, usually charmingly reassuring 'thexxxy' classix like 'Smalltown Boy' or 'Sex Dwarf', most likely with the goal of convincing the head at thee end of 'the stick' that the world really is real, and this melody then introduces 'pattern', and therefore, slowly... acclimation happens, and the body and head realize they have the same Mother. Ms. WIERD. and we survive it all...

Problem was this time we didn't recognize 'the anthem', hmm... Then suddenly it became clear, it wasn't a 'song' at all the feet were obsessively tapping out, but rather they were imitating the monotone 'skip' made by a needle as it hits the end of an LP side, ka-tck... ka-tck, kind of like early SPK, or Intrinsic Action as heard on a cell phone maybe. The realization that then set in was difficult... the foot wasn't a foot at all but a 'needle', and if this was so 'the body' or more specifically 'leg' attached to IT was an 'arm'- the arm of a 'turn-tabe', and then the bed was a turn-table ITself, excellent. So as we hadn't yet acclimated we were able to enjoy our very rare technological-personification. It seems a given that if the 'song was over' the trax on the LP that had been playing (now mysteriously absent as we had woken up) must have been the dreams we had that night, problem is we were drunk so there were no dreams, so only way to find out what the 'record' was would be to ugh...

Just as we were getting excited about this newest babble of WIERD we realized that this conundrum exactly 'embodied' the 'scarring' from which the anxiety (likely due to the recent dark-synth burglaries we've endured) came- we've been way freeked out that we're not 'alarmed' for a 'break-IN'. Well now we had most certainly 'become-armed', but the problem was our arm was now our leg which was connected to thee needle/foot playing the 'skip', and as any audiofile knows you cant put too much pressure on 'the foot' so we were armed but had no legs to get-OUT, thus embodying our present situation... WE WERE ARMED BUT WERE 'NOT ARMED'!... therefore no way to run. And we don't mean this as in run from the 'bad guys' with guns, but rather run from the fact that we had no idea what the record was that had been playing, as somehow if we could figure out what it was 'acclimation' could indeed occur as we had hoped, and our arms would become the legs we needed them to be, and we'd wake-up for the day...

Then we noticed a crucial fact- before passing out that night we had had a piece of pizza on a little plastic white ROUND plate, quite similar in size to a standard LP... this had to be it!!! So if we could turn the 'turn-table' back into a bed and played the pla(y)te on turn-table we could regain our 'self' right, yeah man totally! Our arms would become legs and we could run, as we'd now be 'armed' for real finally, and get thee very rare legs back!

So we tried it- we turned the bed on it's side and got a real Technics turntable and put it on top of the sideways bed, then for extra non-bad Majik we got up on a ladder and attempted a handstand straddling the pizza plate we had lowered the real needle down onto the Technics, spinning on 45 rpms, and we had attempted a 'handstand'- seemed the only way to walk on our new hand-legs, right... As might be predicted the WIERD came crashing to the ground, plate landing on our head, a small trickle of coldwave blood soon to follow, the sadness of the WIERD began to st in and then the buzz-her rang-... 'Hello, who is it?'...'Slomins securityman, here to install yr motion sensors'...'I am a motion sensor dude, my leg is an arm that's the problem, and Im not a Slow-man as I played the pizza at 45, is that cool?'...'Uh, Ok, may-be I should come back tomorrow, eh'?...'Yeah that's probably best, we're not feeling very secure right now!'... Man yr a WIERD fuckin dude YO'...yes we're WIERD forever, and very rare!!!

Pieter, Sebastian and Blacklist spin Polish Wave!!!
Tuesday, July 18th, 11pm-4am
WIERD @ Southside Lounge
(Happy Hour and Sebastian's Polish Coldwave Pleasurefest midnight-1am!!!)
41 Broadway (Wythe/Kent), Wmsbrg, BKNY
J train to Marcy, L to Bedford
Info: (718)387-3182