The Blind find Solace when the WIERD Refuse to 'Duck'....

Tuesday June 13th, 2006

This week WIERD welcomes back the sardonic swagger of NYC's reigning Playboy Prince of dark synth Mr. Martial Canterel. AlsoTonite we're having a lovely little birthday celebration for WIERD resident Alien John Doyle, who along with the famously charismatic Coldwave Cowboy Mr. Greg Castillo makeup WIERD's fave new apocalyptic synth/wave duo Column, who will make their vinyl debut when the WIERD Records Compilation drops from inner space later this summer. Also make sure to check out John's new amazing self-released solo album 'Eye of the Space Brain', the name honestly speaks for itself, very rare...

So the other morning my daily ritual of obsessive French Open viewing(and Wierd would like to affirm that tennis retains its status as the most appropriate allegory of contemorary communication - back/forward/back 'over the net') was rudely interupted by a brief NBC news report that Scientists at the University of Florida had officially confirmed that an Extra-terrestrial had been found inside the stomach of a duck.  Normally such a populist banality would be but a small annoyance from being able to enjoy the very rare pleasures of Nadal's unparalleled topspin backhand but this event began the swirling of the wheels of the WIERD.  The reason this is very rare is only a day before 20/20 aired live coverage of Professor Xiu Fujitsu's 3 year research findings at the University of Osaka in which he claims a new computer program has allowed him to recreate the voice of Mona Lisa based on analysis of her facial structure.  All the world awaited the Coldwave queen's elegant words to the world after 500 years of silence and amazingly enough Mona Lisa's voice was recreated in Japanese...The interesting thing was noone could really tell the eminent professor he 'was wrong' as in typical post-semiotic fashion he had supposed Mona's 'voice' could be separated from her 'words', his interest being thee intonation,key etc., but obviously its very rare to hear  a lovely young Italian woman speaking Japanese, and to do so really made her seem quite like the duck who had just Ciao'd down a tiny alien which was now 'speaking' on her behalf from deep inside her stomach.   Part of the reason this equation seems to make sense is of course the fact that the US considers Japanese 'Aliens' while Italians are not, making Mr. Fujitsu's surrealistic presentation basicly the allegorical equivalent of  California rednecks smuggling Mexicans over the border in the 98.6 degree trunks of their American sedans.  In this way the 'trunk' would be the stomach of the car, which for the purposes of argument we can now call a 'duck', duck being obviously extra-appropriate here both for the literal fact the 'Alien's' are always 'ducking' from the border Police(and here I'd like to add it seems as always no mere coincidence that one hunts for 'ducks' in the camouflaged safety of a 'duckblind', as I was thinking only the blind would actually have no problem with Fujitsu's findings as they would have never seen her 'face' to be 'nonalien') and for this reason we can safely say ducks like cars are unselfconscious beings. Interesting thing to add to all this very rare mess is the fact its quite well known that Mona Lisa never existed but was in fact but a figment of da Vinci in da House's imagination. If we suppose then that what Mr. Fujitsu was doing was presenting the voice of the inanimate object(of the painting itself) and not the 'woman' depicted therein, the perversion would thus be similar to that of staging an event where scientists claim to have discovered the 'lost voice' of a 2005 Ford explorer...You can just imagine the 20/20 coverage, a huge ballroom full of the worlds most respected engineers and scientists, the 'explorer' rolls out on stage, a little white duck is sitting in the drivers seat, and the Italian host brings a microphone over to the trunk, the drumroll begins, and the voice appears as a gasping Spanish cry of a tortured Mexican family of 7, covered in sweat, bile, and stale Tecate, scientists cut the aliens out of the duck's stomach with the Jaws of Life, and everyone smiles, 3 years of work, and finally they're be very the WIERD...

Pieter and Sean spin Japanese Coldwave for Italian Diletantes
Tuesday June 13th, 11pm-4am
WIERD @ Southside Lounge
(happy hour and Zulu Records retrospective midnight-1am!!!)
41 Broadway(Wythe/Kent), Wmsbrg, BKNY
J train to Marcy, L to Bedfd