Noone's IN yr Space cause Everyone's ON My Space at WIERD...

Tuesday May 9th, 2006

Well just when you were starting to think glenn and i spin the girliest music on the planet, this week you're in for a simply lovely surprise as the dark synth divas of the coldwave night Katie and Maya return to WIERD to spin their amazing icy cold blend of paisley-encrusted witchywave, simply doesn't get any rarer than this, how could you possibly resist thee WIERD...

OK very important dahlings so listen up.  I awoke Friday with very rare feelings deep inside my body that something very rare was about to go down.  I walked out my front door to say hi to my charming new 13 yr old Dominican friends Mariah and CeeCee, who call themselves 'Da Tommy Girls' bacause they wear entirely boys Hilfiger clothes, which they always make sure I understand does't make them the Tom'girls' that they love being. We became friends a few weeks ago because we share a love of Sergio Valente jeans and I think I got a little street cred when CeeCee said, ' Yo Mista dose is some girls jeans stoooopid!', and I replied, 'Well den Honnnnnnnney I guess im a girl YO!'...'Hey girls whats up?', 'Yo Mistah Peeda, look out cause Mariah's on da rag hard yo!'...Feelings of thee very rare WIERD started setting in though when I noticed Mariah had a new pink Doo rag on her head so I of course said, 'No she's not, its impossible because she's in the rag CeeCee, see girls you cant be ON something and IN it at the same time, see its physics yo!, ya cant be 2 places at once, no fukin way!'...'Whatevea Mistah Peetah, you always say the dumbest shit, wheres yr fag pants HA!'
    Thing is I was serious about this 'On' vs. 'In' thing and later that day it hit me as Ive been keeping track and this week 9 different people told me that Me and my little retarded sister Ms. WIERD should be ON the fascinatingly sad(or maybe sadly fascinating) 'My'...I'm quite sure that the true abstract genius that will eventually bring its downfall lays in the 'ON vs. the IN' problem, and in the case of Myspace as thee WIERD has said before, any utopianism motivated by the ultimate form of abstraction known as capital can only result in further abstraction, in this case that of 'thee very rare BODIES of yr 'friends' ' .  In general see the rule is whenever you cant be IN but only ON something you 'don't come'(i.e. '.com', very rare), and this is literalized in the genital-figuration implicit in that the I and O next to the N's never get to meet.  The most interesting thing is when someone walks right up to you and says, 'Hey are you ON my space'...This is such a difficult question because the obvious answer should be, 'No sorry but I am IN your space, see its me right here, hi how's it goin? :) !'...'oh thats too bad, you could probably meet a lot of people there man, oh well'...'What the fuck I'm HERE, introduce me?!'...'naw you should be THERE man, way easier to meet people HERE if yr THERE.'(very rare...)... So the landslide of abstraction that this little 'Vowel slippage'(and any resemblnce to 'Bowel' is as you will see no coincidence) causes is what 3 of the people I talked to about this all complained about, 'Yeah its WIERD because its like all the people who are my 'Friends' on MySpace I've never met, but everyone I'm actually friends with isn't my 'friend' and they never invite me to be their 'friend', its like what the fuck, says my friends are Bjork, a Cop named 'Dave' from New Jersey and some queen named 'Gerard' who works at the Museo Picasso in Barcelona, dude won't leave me alone!'...'Thats because they're ON your space, and not in it'...'I don't want these people IN it!'...'So why do you have them ON it?'...' I don't know looks cool man, whatever'...'Yes very rare, but who does it look cool TO?'..' people man, what the fuck do you think?'...'But there's noone in 'your space', just you and yr sad little 2001 PC, and this makes me suspect that most likely you 'don't come' cause yr always '.com-ing', thats not very rare man'...'No man, some dude told me he got more chics when he became Bjork's 'friend' cause all the hipster chics thought he was into girly music and was all sensitive and shit'...'Well see I think in that case the truth is that Bjork is the new contemporary phenomena for him I call 'Thee not so very rare abstract friend'(as thee WIERD always says - friend with the friend 'taken out'), and for this reason he cant be INto girly music but only ONto it, and if yr ON 'IT' you can't get to the ever-sacred 'IT'and (as I said last week) any time abstraction sets in, you (or in this case 'he') as you just said are always left with 'shit', and most people(a few of our WIERD scatfreek allies in Cologne excepted - and by the way how excellent that the current shit eating capital of Europe is now 'Cologne'!) especially girls don't like guys whom they 'smell' (abstract)shit ON so it won't work dude, tell him to give it up'...'wait so yr sayin I won't get girls to be IN my space if they're ON my space?'...'Yeah cause its like Mariahs little pink rag, she can't be 2 places at the same time, I mean I guess Picasso tried to do it with the early analytic cubist stuff(maybe thats why Gerard emailed him I figure), but thats just a 'representation' of this impossiblility', and thing is if you looked like a Picasso you'd be about as attractive as the 'shit' you mention anyway so even that wouldn't work...'Well so what should I tell my 'friend' to do about the whole 'using Bjork to get chics thing?'...'Tell him to email Bjork and ask her if she will invite Dave the fireman to be her 'friend', then if she says 'yes', email her 2 weeks later and assk her if be-'friending' Dave the Cop helped her meet a ton of gay men who love Picasso in Trenton, if she says, "Yes amazing it worked very rare, thankyou so much dahling", he's fine, no worries.'...'is that what you'd did Pieter?'...'Well i wish I had man, cause if I had a ton of Cops ON my space, I'd never have been robbed, which really sucked, and yeah I tried and Bjork said 'no' and thus the funky people came and 'abstracted my whole house, there's nothin left, and there's no more PC so I can't '.com' anymore...'Wow bummer man, guess yr not so into Bjork any more eh?'...'No just the Sugarcubes, cause unlike her, I can put them IN my space whenever I want'...'Yeah cheap too, right, like $.99 for 100!'...'Yeah not very rare, but definitely WIERD'...

Pieter, Katie and Maya Spin early Sugarcubes for 13 yr Old Spanish Cops!!!
Tuesday, May 9th, 11pm-4am
WIERD @ Southside Lounge
(happy hour and free drinks if you can prove you're 'ON' WIERD but not 'IN' 'IT'...good luck cause we still got no website :) HA! plus a very rare special Kirlian Camera Retrospective, Midnight-1am!!!)
41 Broadway(Wythe/Kent), Wmsbrg, BKNY
J train to Marcy, L to Bedfd