WIERD is Not Your Everyday Birth Control...

Tuesday March 21st, 2006

Well not like anyone's going to see this lovely little 'reminder' as you're sitting there drinking your 'OOOH-LONG!' and eating your sushi (which I would like to point out remains in my small insignificant opinion thee only thing which despite how trendy it may become, always remains 'Very Rare', but tonite should be quite a charming mess as its our beloved regular stumblers in the WIERD Greg and Erin's birthday sellabrations, and WIERD is quite excited to welcome our resident Lacanian-Psychoanalyst-in-training-turned-Coldwave-popstar Josh from Blacklist spinning the very rares!!! (who by the way are playing their most exciting show yet this sat. at Mercury lounge with the amazing 'I Love You but I've chosed Darkness' from Texas), god how could anyone resist this one... Oh and by the way, when you see the pasty little substance I'd like to' address' below, this email is (literally) the closest thing I've sent to SPAM yet...

So I'm sure everyone's quite aware that all these feminine hygiene' companies (amazing whomever it was that thought the idea to 'genderfy' the abstract notion of 'highjean'- and not just in the typical way of 'lowering' waistlines on another fucking pair of bluejeans) are all now apparently all making birthcontrol products, and I totally cracked up this morning when I saw this trendy new tv ad that says 'Messengil(sp.?) is not your everyday form of 'birth control' as brilliantly enough you could argue ANYTHING is actually NOT your everyday form of birth control- i.e. this dirty little chair is not your everyday BC, sushi is not your EBC, Coldwave is not, WIERD is not, etc. etc. So the great 'contemporary' thing about this notion is it really literalizes thee arbitrary nature of advertising, in otherwords 'our product is totally exchangeable for any other product', and thus really there's no reason to buy it than other... and the thing thats specifically interesting in the case of the feminine (non-lowwaisted) highjean, and reason I always find those commercials so truly kinky is their restrained sense of 'we can't really talk about the (abject) nature of what we're REALLY selling', and the specific brilliance of this Messengil 'thing' is its literalized when they suggest it really COULD BE anything, thus its really essentially nothing other than and 'abstracted encasement' of a product as all (and excuse my artyness here) 'commodities' are... So I look over and one of these 'Noise-musicians' (which is also now trendy as it is once again an 'abstraction of' music (so totally complicated seeing as music IS ALREADY essentially abstract...) stayin at my house had left a 'vegetarian turkey sandwich' (and swear to fuking god every 'noisedude' is a vegetarian (WIERD coincidence, i think not!!!) in the fridge. At first I thought this abstraction of turkey was the same as the birthcontrol 'thing'- we can't talk about it BOTH because what the fuck IS it REALLY (turkey without the turkey- could be anything), and because again of the abject state of this brown mysterious 'spammy-looking' paste' itself. But then I if IT was as radical as the B.Control ad (in the sense that it 'literalized' its 'emptyness') it would be called 'vegetarian NON-turkey sandwich'. Interesting thing is to consider how 'birth-control' relates (metaphorically) to both abstractions- the fem. hygiene 'thing', and the veg. turkey sand-witch (imagine some crazy old 80's deathrocker in the coldwave north of England, drunk, never showers etc. chic led to buy fem hyg products to 'remove thee 'sand' from 'down there'...very rare)- and I think the commonality is that the 'birth' being 'controlled' in both cases is that the 'thing' Becoming 'REAL', i.e. really greasy meaty turkey, or full frontal female nudity pan down on TV.

So I was earlier thinking to ask, 'Well so then what IS your everyday form of birth control??? and now I think when we consider this new very rare WIERD notion above, the obvious answer IS the vegetarian turkey sandwich itself, (this sad little abstraction I'm holding here in my fingers while watching the elegantly restrained Ms. masengil doucheing away in all her very rare contemporary abstract glory), for every time you eat it you literally 'prohibit the birth of turkey' to occur (God how very rare a film would be if that DIDN'T occur- a woman eats a VegTurkey sandwich and this giant squaking turkey bursts out of her Coldwave Vagina, amazing...). So there we have it, when you like someone and don't want to have kids with them, get a really gnarly veg turkey sandwich and put it next to your bed and when 'Thee (sq)awkward Moment' occurs, 'whip out' the abstract sandwich and I guarantee it'll work every time!!!...who needs birthcontrol, you've got the WIERD... very rare.

Pieter and Josh Blacklist spin the mysterieso f thee Wild Vaginal Abstract Turkey KINGDOM!!!
Tuesday, March 21st, 11pm-4am
WIERD @ Southside Lounge
(happy hour free drinks for all hot TURK-HE's from Istanbul, i'll bring my 1 Turkish wave Lp I have!!! midnight- 1am)
41 Broadway(Wythe/Kent), BKNY
J train to Marcy, L to Bedfd