Mailwomen Accept Their Categorical Transexuality at WIERD...

Tuesday February 1st, 2006

OK Children of thee WIERD, mark your Coldwave Calendars as next week Feb. 7th WIERD is once again honored to be graced by the Very Rare presence NYC's Godfather of Coldwave DJ GILLES LeGUEN, who has been kind enough to make a dark synth layover on his return to Rennes from the festival circuit in Brazil...obviously a Freezing Cold evening not to be missed!!!

So yesterday morning I'm gazing out thee very rare window to watch Bushwack's trendiest new activity which is quite normal people directing traffic for no apparent reason, which presents all kinds of excellent new WIERD problems for motorists to consider, my 64 yr old retired marine neighbor 'Jimmy' apparently being thee king, who's wife Betty told me last week, 'It makes him feel young again, and he loves the excercise', amazing...Anyway Im becoming quite nostalgic for my old neighborhood, in particular the radically uncomfortable exchanges of (literally) suspicious packages with my Transexual mailperson 'Jerri', who because I never had a buzz-her rang a little tiny twinkly bell to tell me my very rares were here...Thing is is even if I'd had a buzzher I always loved that IT would never work for 'Jerri' as the 'her' was gone (replaced by a 'hee') forever.  As Im watching Jimmy order people around thee Buzz-her rings(immediately triggereing the sad memory of an old girlfriend sadly become addicted to her vibrator...) and I push the button for Cecelia, my new dignified '40-something' Puerto Rican Mailwoman and suddenly I cheer up as IT hits me - CECELIA IS TRANSEXUAL TOO!!! BECAUSE SHE'S A MAIL-WOMAN!!!, Thank God!!!, and the nostalgia stopped!...So for old times sake I threw on my vintage 1982 'Dead or Alive' shirt as I always did when Jerr-he came(as it allegorized my questions regarding thee suspicious package (s)he held for me at belt level), and to keep the nostalgia at bay I pushed the wrong button so as the buzz-her didnt work, artificially confirming my multigendered suspisions...'Hi Cecelia, lovely to see you!'...'Hi honey'(then she eyes my shirt)...'Oh my God, that used to be my favorite band sweety!, 'You spin me right round baby!!!'...(dark feelings of thee WIERD set in...)...(Amazing, how could my shirt be her fave band???)...Wow Cecelia I never knew my shirt WAS a band, only songs Ive heard it play is the tiny little 'swish' it makes when I throw it in my drawer(sounds like early Hafler Trio actually), was that its first single?'...'Very Clever honey...I said it USED to be my favorite band, HA!'...'wait, do you mean it WAS your favorite band when it was new OR before it was a shirt, and was a real band?'...'Honey have you seen that guy Pete the singer, he became a WOMAN for cryin out loud!  Scares the hell outa me know!'...(OK this is way WIERD, Im all excited cause Cecelia's 'transexual', then she points at my shirt and says 'Pete' is now transexual too, guess we're even', ughh...shes good)...Well Cecelia, my name is 'Piet' too and Im not transexual, so if Pete Burns is 'Dead' IM ALIVE, and you like me right?'...'Thats funny sweety cause when I look at Pete now it 'Burns', ouch! HA!'...'But thats why I have an 'I' in my name, so when you look at me it doesnt 'Burn'!...'Honey you got those funny little glasses now so I cant see yr 'Eyes' anymore, I just see yr dirty ol T-shirt with 'Pete' written all over it, and that Creeps me out'...(then I take off my glasses) - 'Look see, right here, an 'Eye'!', please tell me I dont creep you out!'...'Honey, you still aint 'Piet' cause you got 2 eyes, AND cause they cant even see me so good, so yeah you still are a 'Pete' to me, and yeah it 'BURNS!, HA!!!'...At that moment thee Coldwave sadness set in again, another battle of the WIERD lost, so I return to my Dark Synth Transexual cave, forever doomed to never be able to Buzz-Her again...story of my life, very rare...

Pieter and Glenn remove thee Glorious Glasses to forever 'Buzz-Her'!!!
Tuesday, February 1st, 11pm-4am
WIERD @ Southside Lounge
(happy hour and free long distance calls from all those cell phones the drunk hipsters left here last week, midnight-1am!!!)
41 Broadway(Wythe/Kent), Wmsbrg, BKNY
J train to Marcy, L to Bedfd