Thee Tell-Her Shoots Blanks and The WIERD dies anyway....

Tuesday January 3rd, 2006

OK, so just to re'CAP' last weeks lesson in thee WIERD notions of handy'CAP':
1. Everyone who golfs is necessarily handicapped.
2. The handicapped are incapable of golfing.
3. The only possible way one can possibly BE handicapped AND play golf is if they renounce thee 
    teachings of Jesus, in which case they MUST then crucially choose Yamaha over Honda,
    but must be very careful so as to not become handicapped, for if they do they will no longer be
That being said today Im finally at the front of the mile-long angst filled line at my way liberal bordering on Communist bank and my fave local 'handicapper' flies in the door and straight to the front of the line in his suspiciously high end electric wheel chair drunkenly cackling in all his VFW and native American spirituality-fetishizing, turquoise jewelry dripping glory, causing numerous, 'Yo what the fuck that fucker think he'd doin's'.  In a rare spontaneous moment of WIERD confidence I put on my most crazed, seething look and stumble up to him and say, 'scuse me man but you aint wearin no cletes and wears yr putter and caddy and Tiger's got no handicapp neither yo!" and amazingly he stepped right aside, probably figurin I was cashin my shit SSI total victory I glided up to thee 'Tell-her'(only odd as thats what I always figure I  should be called as I approached Shawndra, my fave commie Tell-her) and I tell her I need to 'cash this check'...Unfortunately I realize in such check my boss had left out a few words on the word line.  So Tell-her has to get man-age-her(who's unfortunately for the WIERD NOT a transsexual as his name would suggest), who tells me that 'sorry sir, the words are all that matters on a check, the machine cant read thus once again my hubris was premature, and I was about to lose yet another battle of thee WIERD.  Panicking, I thought back to 5 daze before (as I was pondering the cultural significance of 'Usher featuring Alicia Keys' vs. 'Alicia Keys featuring Ushe'r as the 2 MTV music award finalists) I was playing scrabble with my Mom's lesbian scrabble club friends and their rockstar lead-her(slept with the lesbo mayor of Brattleboro, has Pink's personal email etc.) had told me the most valuable 'piece' in the game allowing one to 'go first' is the 'blank'... So of course I said, 'Shawndra, Jerry said I could go-first cause I got a blank which has 'no-words' honey, so the #s should be enough as they're worth nothing!, so please tell-her to cash my check...She starts lookin really pissed and says, 'sir, this check IS worth nothing, and you really should have let the handicapped man 'go first', then you come up here babblin all nonsensical, so Im gonna have to ask you to leave the line!'...'But Shawndra, 'He too drunk to golf and he's got no Yamaha on his head and if he did he wouldnt be allowed to golf anyway cause GOD says it aint kosher, so what the hell did I do wrong?!!!'... 'Honey, I dont know what the hell yr talkin bout golfin cept Tiger's sexy as hell, and yr actin all WIERD!'...'But Tiger's not handicapped, he's too fukin good'...'NEXT', she then says, and the handicapper blazed up, clipped by shins and smiled, secretly thinkin Im quite sure...'VERY RARE'... another loss, 2 weeks straight...No wonder 'lebian Mathematician' shows 0 results on Google...back out into the coldwave darkness once again...

Pieter and Cheyney spin Dark Synth
Tuesday January 3rd, 2006, 11pm-4am
WIERD @ Southside Lounge
(happy hour and free dinks if you can convince us that you ARE a 'Tell-her', midnight-1am!!!)
41 Broadway(Wythe/Kent), Wmsbrg, BKNY
J train to Marcy, L to Bedfd