Thee Biggest WIERD Loser gets da Ice to be coldwave 4ever!!!

Tuesday December 6th, 2005

Well as everyone of course is aware from thee traditional annual onslaught of hysterical coverage in the tabloids, club WIERD convened in Miami this past week in support of The Master of Materialist Abstraction's excellent exhibition of very rare paintings.  This year's theme in particular was feline aesthetics and bi-cycles, which raised a few issues at thee WIERD staff meeting this morning as of course we all felt the the notion of feline was purportedly a bit heterosexual to work in conjunction with thee Bi-Cycle and would have been more rigorously proposed with a more conservative representation of a Uni-Cycle, yet such is the provacative ways of our holy Master... So apart from this small discursive 'issue', Miguel and I are sunning ourselves by the pool at the Shore Club Friday discussing our thoughts on exactly what and whom we plan on 'Undeleting' in the day ahead, and I call myself and 'check my messages'.  I was delighted to hear that my new sell phone called my home phone to remind it to 'Get more out of Life'.  As my 'home' phone is very proudly protestant, I then defended it by turning thee Mass Age to 'Off' and dealing with this 'bigger is better' reverse discrimination(as the cell phone can only be seen under a microscope, thus making it very rare) through a brief study of America's lovely lowest common denominator of hiphop culture.  We left the pool to ponder our thoughts on why every new hip hop artist is 'becoming littler'(as 4 of the 10 artists on the billboard charts this week are 'dissappearing' - 'Lil Wayne', 'Lil Pete', 'Lil Bow Wow', and 'Lil Kim') and we realized that as the lovely new reality show dictates, the one who shrinks the most to dissappear becomes 'The Biggest Loser' and thus wins the million so they can buy more ice, which as the sweat poored down, we really needed in thee coldwave Miami sun.  So I went up to the bar and told the overly polite 'Lil' Cuban man, "Hello sir, may I please have a Kristal on the rocks with no ice please as my sell foam is Catholick and thus I'm having a terrible time becoming a Loser and am thus quite broke and cant have any ice in my home foam." ... Amazingly he responded, "You want Lil or Beeeeg? Mon?'... 'Thats precisely my problem sir, I WANT 'Lil', but I am forever BIG it seems, Im so fukin broke, please help me by making me 'Lil'!!!'  'OK Mon, so you now eees beeeeg, and deees one's on me!'...'No sir, thee 'Lil' has to be on ME, you're already 'Lil', so please MAKE ME PAY!!!'... 'Oh yr gohnna pay OK Mon, you foreva gonna be Beeg, and neva a real loser like me!!! HA!!!! no Ice for you cause eeets all on MEEEEEEEE!', Im gonna be so reeech!...Wow, we gotta get this dudes email Miguel, he's seriously WIERD...Yeah no shit, very rare...

Pieter and Glenn spin Coldwave for all those who hope to truly 'Lose it all' !
Tuesday December 6th, 11pm-4am
WIERD @ Southside Lounge
(happy hour and 'Lucie Cries' retrospective', midnight-1am!!!)
41 Broadway(Wythe/Kent)
J train to Marcy, L to bedfd